Who He Was
by WeLostTouch
Summary: Katyusha stopped her siter from delivering Ivan's auto-biography to the other nations. She must now explain the truth of Ivan's sad past and why the letter must never be sent. Second installment to the Who I Am series.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Before I begin I shall warn you, if Ivan ever learned the truth, it would tear him apart. His life as he knows it is founded on a lie. He must never hear this story.

You see, General Winter was not always a ruthless caretaker. Originally he was a kind old man who protected me from the world. I used to think that he gave me snow to play with and we would create whole towns of snow people to keep us company. Then one day, Winter brought me a real companion. He held a swaddled child in his arms and told me it would be my new little brother. The baby had light violet eyes.

We named him Ivan Braginski because Ivan was one of the few boy names I knew and Braginski sounded a lot like my last name, Braginskaya. Life was not easy with another mouth to feed in a land where crops were few, but all three of us were happy. Ivan grew up little by little. Taking care of him was never a chore because he was such a sweet, caring child. He did whatever he could to help with any errands the General and I went on. That was before the wars...

It was a sad fate that Ivan's soul was bound to the nation of Russia. Such a kind spirit would have been better suited for a more peaceful land. The bloodshed and tourment would scar my brother deeper than I realized at first. How did this change General Winter from the kind old mand that took care of into a drunk, abusive guardian? It was because Winter was never really real.

He was my imaginary friend I made up when I was lonely and wanted someone to protect me. Ivan grew up being able to see him because I shared Winter thinking he would protect Ivan too. It was like a child's game. We were playing house and the General acted as "father." However it started to fall apart as I grew older. Over time, as I became too old for imaginary friends, Winter became more and more Ivan's creation, warping him a the poor child suffered trauma.

It is because of this transfer that Ivan's memories are distorted. This is why his letter to the world is a lie. I will only share this story with you so that you will understand why that letter must never be sent.

xx

Katyusha jolted awake as the falling slush sent pins and needles down her spine. Ivan bolted up beside her gasping from the cold shock. General Winter scowled at them from the open door way. "It'll be light out soon, so go find something to eat if you want to breakfast."

Shivering, the two fumbled around looking for their coats. Numb fingers made it difficult to put on the neccessary layers. Once dressed, they walked past Winter doing their best to avoid eye contact. She could not help but feel bitter toward their guardian. There was a time when the General woke them up gently and helped them forrage. Those years were far behind them.

"This way Ivan." She held onto her brother's tiny hand and led him to a forest covered in deep frost. When she was younger, Winter had taught her that she could find small shoots with tough, edible roots hidden under the snow's surface. It was hard work that hurt her knees and froze her fingers to the bone.

"I found one," little Ivan called from behind her. Whe she turned around, she saw her poor little brother tugging his hardest on the anchored plant. It was not his fault he lacked strength. With how little he ate, it was a wonder how he managed to walk in such heavy clothing. "It's stuck."

"I'll help you." Katyusha reached around her little brother and together they pulled with all their might until the sappling was uprooted. The two lost ballence when the roots suddenly released making them both fall backwards. Whit a thud, Katyusha lay flat on her back with Ivan landing on top of her.

"Ouch..." He rubbed the back of his head aas he sat up.

"Are you okay, Ivan?" she asked, concerned that he may have hurt himself.

"No. Your flat chest didn't cushion my fall."

A deep red flush burned her cheeks. Despite reaching the age when her breast should start growing, she had made absolutely no progress. It was a sensitive subject and she did not expect her little brother to point it out. "Ivan!"

"Winter says it too!" She half heartedly swung at him knowing that he would dudge, but hoped that he would take it as a threat. Ivan continued to poke fun. "He says that you are so flat and tall that you might as well have been born a boy instead of a girl."

Katyusha was not going to let that comment go unpunished. With crossed arms, she teased, "Well atleast I'm not a shorty like you."

Ivan gaped at her. He was sensitive about his height, and she knew it would be an easy target. He tried to rebuttle with a lame, "I'm gonna grow."

Yeah right!" she laughed. "You're going to be so small that you'll get a step ladder for your birthday when you are old enough to grow your own beard."

"Not true, flat chest!"

"Is true, pipsqueak!" She prepared to fire another jest, but was interrupted by the loud rumble of her brother's stomach. They had alomst forgotten about breakfast.

"Head or tails?"

Katyusha knew that the plant was very bitter, especially the roots. Ivan hated the strong taste, so she chose the less desired part. "Tails."

Ivan bit off the top half before handing her her portion. It really was a terrible flavor, but food was food. She tugged on her brother's coat sleeve and poitned back toward the house. "We should head back now."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"You brats are late," the General yelled from a distance. Low tones in his voice traveled across the world of white as if propelled by the icy winds. "I should have your skins tanned and use your bones as toothpicks after eating you up raw."

"We are very sorry, Mr. Winter," Ivan panted as he ran behind Katyusha. When the morning light began to creep across the ground, they took to running at full speed. "We came as fast as we could."

"Then you should learn to run faster." Winter knocked each of them on the top of their heads. "Today you will run laps until you can run faster than this morning. From here to that hill to here until I think have become fast."

The siblings looked at each other nervously. Katyusha felt pity for her malnourished, younger brother. He already looked tired just from the sprint back home. His cheeks were red and his breath came out in thick, foggy clouds. From where she stood, she could see Ivan's legs were shaking.

"Why have not started running yet?" Winter asked with an impatient bark. He kicked up a wave of snow to spur them to action. As the two siblings made a mad dash for the hill, the General cursed and yelled. "Run faster you ground squirrels."

It was ungodly cold that day. Underneath her jacket, her damp clothes rubbed against her skin uncomfortably. Katyusha did her best to ignore it however every stride made the chaffing worse. At the top of the hill she turned and ran back down noticing with every lap Ivan lagged farther behind. She kept an eye on him as best she could, but her body was also feeling the strain of the exercise. Her heart skipped a beat when Ivan suddenly fell into a deep snow drift.

"Are you okay, Ivan?" she asked as she backtracked toward him. "I'll help you."

"Run, Katyusha!" Ivan stared at her with narrowed eyes. His wild expression sent a chill down her spine. "General Winter did not tell you to stop running."

Katyusha glanced over her shoulder to see the menacing figure walking in their direction. She closed her eyes in fright and resumed running in hopes that Winter would not punish her. "I'm sorry, General Sir."

The General showed no interest in her as she sped past him. Instead he silently marched to where Ivan was struggling in the snow. Words were exchanged, but Katyusha was too far away to know what was said. Then Winter flung her brother after pulling him free by his coat. A part of her wanted to cry as she watched a dazed Ivan clumsily get back up and totter forward. He deserved a better life than this.

They continued to run for hours while Winter watched with a silent scowl. Every now and then the two's paths would cross and she could hear Ivan muttering to himself. "Other nations will eat you, he would sputter, or "Become strong enough." It broke Katyusha's heart. The day was reaching its end when the General left without a word of parting.

Ivan fell on all fours coughing up phlegm. With stiff, worn out legs she approached to offer help. "Are you alright, Ivan?"

Her looked away from her. "I should keep running."

"It is enough, Ivan." She grabbed him by his arm. He really was too thin. Her index finger could easily meet her thumb while gripping his forearm. "Winter is gone now. You can stop."

"Let go of me," Ivan growled through grit teeth. It was obvious that he was angry with her. She could not blame him. If only she had helped him earlier, he would not have been manhandled by their caretaker. He frowned while trying to shake her off. "Let go."

Please stop." She dug her heels into the snow and tightened her grip on the boy. Exhausted and past his limits, Ivan knelt down in defeat completely out of breath. With a sheepish Reaching into her pocket Katyusha found a small sapling she had been saving. With a sheepish smile, she handed the peace offering to her brother. "Look what I found for dinner. You can have this one."

Ivan's mood seemed to lighten. "Thank you."

She could not help the smile that stretched her chapped lips. "Let's go home. It will be dark soon."

"Da."

They did not say much for the rest of the evening. Katyusha was satisfied just wearing dry clothes. It did not take her long to fall asleep beside her brother, but she woke up soon after when his body heat seemed to fade away. Fear gripped her when she woke up alone and the door swinging slightly in the wind.

"Ivan?" There was no response. "Ivan, where are you?"

Treading softly across the cold floor, she peeked out through the door way. Ivan was about four meters off staring up with a lost gaze at the charcoal grey sky. Despite the formed by his lips, he looked incredibly lonely. "Oh, Ivan… What is troubling you so much that you will not speak to me?"

When he turned around with droopy, violet eyes, Katyusha scurried back to the bed and feigned sleep before he crossed the threshold. Poor little Ivan was wiped out and fell dormant after one impressively long yawn. His brows were furrowed in spite of the sad smile still resting on his lips. She pressed a light kiss to his forehead until his face relaxed into a peaceful slumber. "Sweet dreams, little brother."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

The next morning, Katyusha woke her brother up early to find food before the General arrived. They were lucky and managed to find a cache of saplings. Each of them chewed on four plants before the bitter taste was too strong for them to stomach. That left ten sprouts for them to store back at home.

Day break came and Winter still had no shown up. It was odd for him to in the late morning. After waiting a couple more hours, Ivan made the first move. He picked up the large ax they kept by the door before exiting silently.

"Ivan?" She got up to follow him. "Where are you going?"

"Firewood," he chirped without stopping.

"But what about General Winter?"

He turned around and seemed rather perplexed by her question. "The General told me to collect firewood."

"Oh…" She thought that must have been what they had spoken about when he was stuck in the snow. It was not unusual for Winter to add extra chores if one of them displeased him, but he would supervise to make sure the job was done to his liking. He still had yet to arrive. "Is it okay for you to be doing this on your own?"

"Da." He added a quick nod. "He told me to do it myself."

"I see…" Katyusha was a little skeptical, but did not want to risk interfering with the General's orders. "Be safe."

Ivan smiled pleasantly before venturing off. When he disappeared behind the tree line, she looked around for any sign of their guardian. There was none to be found. The coast was clear. She could feel her lips pull into a tight smile as she headed west. If she traveled far enough today, she might be able to find signs of other nations.

General Winter always warned them that other nations were evil and not to be trusted, but that only fueled her curiosity. It had been forever since she saw a nation other than her little brother and she wanted to know there was still a world out there somewhere.

Katyusha ran through the snow as fast as she could to go as far as possible before having to go back the way she came. Occasionally she would find footprints or broken object littering the ground on her excursions. Every discovery reassured her that they were not alone. She kept running until her lungs stung and her legs began to cramp. Her heart was racing, but the sensation was far more enjoyable than that of the previous day. Lying down on the white covered ground, she let out a long string of bubbly giggles.

"Oh. I didn't know that there was anyone around here."

She thought that she had died right then and there. Katyusha's heartbeat was roaring in her ears. Eyes widened in terror as the foreign nation looked down at her. His eyes shared the same blue coloring as hers, but his hair was similar to that of tree bark. He was bundled up in a thick green jacket and heavy brown boots.

"Hello."

Katyusha rolled away from him as quickly as possible; apparently startling the other nation in the process. He fell backwards and landed on his butt with a loud crunch as the snow beneath him was crushed. Trying to make sure she sounded tough, Katyusha lowered her voice an octave before speaking. "What do you want?"

The boy looked just as frightened as she felt. Now that she could see him better, she noticed how thin and short he was. He did not look like any sort of threat, but the General's warnings kept her slightly wary.

"N-n-nothing," he stammered. "I just was not expecting to find someone so close to such a scary place."

A pang of guilt struck her in the chest. It looked almost as if the boy was going to cry. She offered her hand to help him up. "It's not so scary."

The boy smiled as he accepted her hand. "Then you are much braver than I am."

It was then that Katyusha noticed the shaft of an arrow protruding from the boy's shoulder. In an instant, she forgot every one of the General's warnings and all of her fear evaporated into genuine concern. "You're hurt!"

"Oh!" The boy did not appear to have noticed the arrow until she mentioned it. "Looks like I missed one. That Prussia boy came over again to bully me. Guess it's a good thing my jacket is so thick."

"Someone has been picking on you?"

"Yeah, I'm not that strong…" He then smiled after a moment's contemplation. "But one day I will make friends with lots of other nations. Then no one will be able to beat us up because we will protect each other."

His smile reminded her of Ivan's back when they lived in happier days. It made her happy to see such a sincere smile. "Do you have friends already?"

The boy laughed nervously. "Well, my boss is going to marry this other nation's boss soon. My boss really wants me to get along with that guy, but he is a little hard to handle."

"What is it like to have a friend?"

"You don't have friends?"

She answered by shaking her head no. Ivan was her dear little brother, but she doubted that the boy included siblings into the count. Winter was no longer her friend, so she then concluded that she must be friendless.

"I could be your friend…"

At first she thought that she had imagined hearing the boy say such words. "You would be friends with me?"

"Only if you were okay with being friends with someone like me, of course."

Katyusha could not keep herself from hugging the boy. He was the first person to ever offer her friendship of any kind. It was a kindness that she would never forget.

"Um… Is it normal for two boys to hug where you are from?"

"…" She let go of him and crouched down and held her knees together with one arm while twiddling her hair with her free hand. "I'm a girl…"

The boy blinked at her in confusion."Girl?" Anyone could plainly see the exact moment that the word sunk in. His face flushed pink. "I'm sorry! It's my fault! I just assumed with your short hair and thick coat that.. Not that you look masculine or anything!"

The boy continued to shower her with apologies, but Katyusha was distracted by the slowly diming daylight. She needed to start heading home soon. Looking up at the boy, she said, "Thank you very much for your offer to be my friend, but we cannot be friends. At least not right now."

"We can't?"

General Winter was very strict on his no friends policy, as he was with all of his policies. If she broke the rules, there would be hell to pay later. She also worried about what would happen to the boy if Winter ever found out about him. "But I would like to see you again… But I don't know when I will get another chance to leave… Can we meet again?"

"Of course!" The boy pinkened again. "I don't live too far from here, and I take a lot of walks over here so…"

Katyusha smiled and started running back toward home before he could finish. She turned around to look at the boy only once. "Then I will meet you here again some other day. It's a promise."

"Wait!" the boy called after her, but she kept on running. "I never caught your name!"

It was a hard run, but she managed to smile most of the way home. The first thing that she wanted to do was tell Ivan about the strange boy from the west. He would love to hear about the encounter; she just knew it. Katyusha felt giddy as she tried to think of the perfect way to tell the story when their house finally came into view. She could hardly make out her brother sitting out front holding something up to his face. When she came closer, she could see that he was hurt. That meant only one thing. General Winter was there and he knew that she had left.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

She stopped about a foot away from where Ivan was sitting and stood in front of the door that led to her punishment. Quietly, before entering the lion's den, she whispered, "I'm sorry, Ivan."

Her little brother let out a muffled sob when she pushed open the wooden door. It was dark inside the single room, but Katyusha could make out the large form of their caretaker through the gloom. Winter glared at her in silent fury. Then the door closed and hell was unleashed.

There were no accusations made, no questions were asked, and no threats were uttered. Only the feeling of pain and the promise of more existed in the suffocating dark. Katyusha howled as the man held a firm grasp on her hair while beating her with his free hand. Outside, Ivan was bawling loudly. The wood plank walls creaked under the force used when Katyusha was thrown across the room. Gusty winds would rise up to cover the noise only to die down once more. It must have been a slurry of nightmarish sounds, but the whole time General Winter did not say a word.

She was frightened by the unusual lack of verbal abuse. In the past, whenever the General was angered he would be as foul mouthed as he was foul tempered. Now that he was angry beyond words, she feared what he would do to her. Another knock to the head sent her mind flying somewhere far away from fear to a time and place where she almost made a friend. It was only a brief rendezvous before she was forcibly brought back to the beating at hand. Then Winter took another fistful of hair and used it to drag her squirming body outside. He picked up unsuspecting Ivan by his coat and threw them both into the unforgiving snow.

Even as she looked up at him expecting instruction, General Winter held his silence. Ivan looked at her and she wondered if her eyes were equally wide with fright as his. For an unknown reason, her brother flinched despite no noise or move was made on their guardian's part. Katyusha was taken by complete surprise when he throttled himself at her.

Under normal circumstances, Ivan's punches would not hurt, but with bruises forming from the previous round with Winter they had passed the pint of being annoying and caused pain to linger on every place he made contact with. At first she was merely defending herself from her brother's unwarranted assault. When he left himself open, she gave him a hard shove. Ivan was shaking and Katyusha hoped that by pulling her fist back in an empty threat would put an end to his violent outburst.

Her threat was met by a face full of snow. There was a heavy pressure in her middle. Suddenly she was laying flat on her back. Angry fists were raining from above. Once again she flashed back to her almost friend and the hug that she could not resist giving. Katyusha had had enough. With a well placed kick to the gut, was launched into the air and landed with a dull thud.

She was panting with exhaustion when she sat up to look around. General Winter had left during their fight and Ivan did not get up or try to move. On her hands and knees, she crawled to where he laid with his eyes closed.

"Ivan?" When he did not respond, she shook him gently. "Ivan?"

He was unconscious, but still breathing. Guilt consumed her instantly. Tears hung precariously at the corners of her eyes. It was not her intention to hurt him. Being as gentle as she could, Katyusha half carried, half pulled her little brother into their home. She placed him in the center of their bed and tucked the only blanket in around him. After doing all she could to make Ivan comfortable did she let herself fall to pieces.

The sobs started as small hiccups and worked their way up to incoherent wailing. It was not enough just to cry. With remorse eating her alive, Katyusha pulled knees up so close to her chest that it was painful to breathe. Then the feeling of being watched tickled the back of her mind. Her brother was staring at her while sitting up on his own. At least physically he appeared to be alright.

"Ivan," she choked out through a sob. When she reached out to hold his hand, he quickly pulled away. "Ivan, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

He turned away and refused to look at her. Katyusha figured she must have seemed as disgusting as she felt to Ivan. Her body trembled with internal turmoil. The pain in her heart had put the bruises from earlier to shame. Her chest ached when her brother got out of bed and approached the door.

"Ivan, don't go."

He did not listen. She did not blame him.

"Ivan, wait!" Katyusha called as she followed him out into the bitter cold night. He was only a little bit ahead of her when she desperately seized his hand. "Ivan, come ba-"

He slapped her.

"Don't touch me…" Ivan said in a voice so soft she almost could not hear him. "I'm fine, big sister."

Katyusha fell to her knees, wrapped her arms around his too small body, and wailed into his chest. Her poor, sweet little brother was looking at her with a small smile, but tears were flowing down both of his cheeks. She had hurt him deeply and knew it went further than the round lump that formed on the top of his head. At that moment she would have traded anything to take that pain away from him, to dix what she had done wrong.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

The next day, things returned to normal except Winter still held his vow of , Ivan managed to understand what needed to be done without verbal instruction from their caretaker. With his guidance, they both managed to stay on task for the most part. There were no more beatings for the time being. Every now and then Katyusha would wounder if the General was simply tired and if that had anything to do with why he looked so washed out as of late.

Before they knew it, Ivan's birthday had come along. The two of them waited in the corner as they did every year on their birthdays and waited for the older man to come. She expected him to arrive drunk, sit around drinking and swearing, and leaving a worse drunk than when he first arrived. After all, it had become a family birhtday tradition. It was late in the morning when Winter finally showed up carrying more than his usual amount of alcohol.

He took a seat on an old wooden crate and motioned for Ivan to step forward while cracking the seal on the first bottle of the day. Ivan did as he was told to avoid any conflicts. Winter pulled a tin cup out of his pocket and poured the water like liquid into it. Her brother looked absolutely dumbfounded when the bevaerage was handed to him.

Ivan looked back and forth her and the drink in his hand. Katyusha did not know what sort of advice she should give him. If General Winter wanted him to drink, it would be for the best that he do as the man wished. She shrugged her shoulders and pretended to drink from an imaginary cup. Under the stoic stare of the Genral, he brought the rim of the cup to his lips and drank a mouthful.

It must have tasted awful because his face contorted into a scrunched up mess of human features. Ivan coughed a little after swallowing. Winter poured a little more vodka into the cup and motioned for her brother to keep drinking. The exchange continued until her little brother was thuroughly drunk. His hads were shaking so badly that he nearly spilled the newly refilled cup. A deep red flush covered his normally fair cheeks.

"What about Katyusha?" Ivan suddenly mummbled before shallowing another mouthful. "Can't she have some?"

The thought of joining the two made Katyusha feel more than just a little uncomfortable. She distracted herself with a loose string that was dangling from her sleeve in hopes that Ivan would get the hint. Luckily, General Winter shared her lack of enthusiasm and waved off the question while shaking his head disapprovingly. Katyusha thought she had got off free, but while she was still toying with the hanging thread she did not see one of them spit a stream of vodka all over her. By the shocked look on her brother's face, she assumed it must have been Winter.

She clenched her fists until her nails bit deep into the skin of her palms. The alcohol smelled terrible and she was disgusted by the fact that she was spat on, but she could not risk losing her temper now. Not on Ivan's birthday. If she could just wait until after the General left, she could be as furious as she wanted.

Katyusha was silently fuming when Ivan bolted toward the exit. He was too clumsy to make it though and ended up up-chucking in the house. Worried, she stood up and tried to walk over to where he was still gagging. "Ivan!"

General Winter raised his hand and signaled for her to sit back down. Anxiously, she obeyed. Winter picked up the fallen cup and refilled it. Ivan ressumed drinking, accepting whatever was handed to him. This started a long pattern of drinking, vomitting, drinking some more ending only when the boy was too weak to lift himself out of a puddle of his own regurgitated alcohol. Katyusha had begun pleading with them both to stop.

"Please, sir," she begged. By now her were red from crying. "If he drinks anymore, he'll die!"

The old man frowned at the remaing three bottles. Winter tossed the sick child onto the bed causing him to wretch whatever was left in his abused stomach. Then he lined up the bottles near the foot of the bed and placed the nearly full cup at the end of the line.

"But Ivan can't take anymore. He is already so sick." Katyusha knelt down on her knees and held her hands tightly clasped together. "Please let him rest, sir."

To her suprise General Winter nodded. He left without a weird or hint of human emotion. It was not until the door closed behind him that she realized the man did not have a single drop to drink the whole day. In fact, this was the first time she had ever seen the man choose not to drink. It made a strange feeling of discomfort crawl across her skin. A Genral Winter that did not swear or drink heavily was a stranger.

The day had dwindled down to the last hour of light leaving Katyusha little time to clean as best she could while she could still see the foul smelling puddles. It was not pleasent work, but she would never stand for letting her brother live in a pig stye. Every now and then Ivan would moan in his sleep. When she felt his forehead he was burning up. Of all the times General Winter had put her brother in danger, this was by far the scariest. Once the floor was celan Katyusha stayed up most of the night tending to her little brother as he slept. She would change the clothe on his face regularly to make sure it was always cool and made sure his was still breathing or checked if he was choking. Early morning came by the time her eyes could no longer stay open.

Katyusha had not been asleep for long when she heard a faint strring on the bed. Her knees and back ached from sleeping knelt on the floor. She groggily rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "Ivan... How long have you been awake?"

"Not long," he voice was hoarse and it looked painful for him to speak. "Where is Mr. Winter?"

"He isn't coming today, so get your rest."

"Da..."

Katyusha was not sure that the man would come or not, but Ivan needed to rest as much as possible. Dozing off every so often, she did her best to keep guard over her brother the entire day. When night time came again she dragged herself into the bed. Ivan had not thrown up since yesterday and seemed to be out of harms way. At the moment the need for a full night's sleep was all she wanted. Once during the night she vaguely registed movement on her brother's side of the bed, but she decided it was just her imagintation.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Ivan woke her the next day. Winter was waiting outside in as foul a mood as ever. Without explanation, he led them deep into the nearby woods. Katyusha walked behind her little brother to make sure he did not fall behind. He was having difficulty keeping up with their caretaker because of not fully recuperating after his birthday _gift_. After what felt like hours of walking they entered a small frozen meadow.

General Winter turned on them with a bone chilling stare. He shrugged off the rifle that was ever present on his back and took it in both hands, pointing it threateningly at the two siblings before turning the muzzle down toward the ground. Then he pointed his chin at Ivan.

"What does he mean?" Katyusha asked her brother in a soft whisper.

"He says we have to stay here for one week," Ivan translated. "If we try to leave the forest before the week is over, he will shoot us."

She could not stop a shiver from running down her spine. Her eyes ran up and down the length of the rifle. It looked aged and weathered from use. If the owner took aim at either of them, it would be a guaranteed hit. As the General walked past them, Katyusha felt the temperature plummet. A chilled wind announced a storm headed in their direction. The following week would be a course in survival.

"We should find something to make a shelter," Ivan said after Winter disappeared behind the tree line. He started walking away from her toward the opposite end of the meadow. "I will find some branches for a lean-to. You should build us a fire."

"Will you be okay on your own?" She took a few steps forward to follow after him. "We can gather more if we go together."

"No!" Ivan practically yelled at her. He turned around with his innocent smile trying to reassure her. "It will be getting colder soon, and it will be harder to start a fire in the dark. It would be nice if we could have a fire to keep us warm tonight."

Katyusha was still concerned about letting her little brother go off by himself, but made no further effort to follow him. "Be back here soon…"

His smile broadened. "Da."

When Ivan toddled out of sight, she looked around the meadow for the best spot to start the fire. That was when she noticed something odd about her surroundings. There were only two sets of footprints in the snow. By the size of them it was obvious that the prints belonged to Ivan and her. No matter where she searched she could not find tracks left behind by the General. Katyusha began to ponder the meaning of this until a cold gust of wind reminded her of their need for fire.

Starting a fire without supplies was not easy. While some people think simply rubbing two sticks together would do the trick, Katyusha understood the difficulty of the task ahead. The first hurdle was finding dry kindling and wood that was not damp from snow. Once she collected a decent sized pile, she pulled out the laces from one boot and created a bow drill. After drilling enough to create coal, she used the pocket lint from her coat as tinder. Blowing gently, small flames lit and spread on the tinder. She placed the flames under a teepee of fire wood and added bits of kindling while carefully breathing life into the flames. It took some time, but eventually the flames grew into a small campfire. By then Ivan had returned dragging long branches to use as building materials.

"You got the fire going!" He cheered as he dropped the material a few feet away. "It looks very nice."

"It took me a while, but the wood eventually caught," Katyusha replied with a proud smile. Then her discovery fro earlier reentered her mind. She looked to where they entered the meadow, but it was no good. The tracks they made earlier were swept away when Ivan dragged his branches over. "Ivan, didn't you leave from the opposite end of the clearing?"

"Huh?" He looked in the direction he had just come from. "I did, but I couldn't find any dead wood over there so I circled around to find some. Why do you ask?"

"It's nothing… I just noticed you wiped away our tracks from this morning."

Ivan looked frightened. "You weren't planning on following those back home were you? Winter said he'd kill us if we left! Please, big sister, don't do it."

"No, no," she said putting her hands up defensively. "I wasn't planning on leaving. I won't leave."

"Good." He turned his attention back to his tree branches. "Help me make a place for us to sleep then."

"Yes."

Xx

The fire was nice while it lasted, but the storm's arrival quickly killed their ability to save the flames. Three days icy winds chewed at their shivering bodies as they huddled together in their improvised lean-to. They tried to tough out the weather and watched with dismay as every day more and more white powder fell in thick sheets. At night Katyusha woke up a couple ties to find she was alone in the shelter. When she popped her head out to search for Ivan, the flurry of snow made it impossible to spot him. In the morning she would wake up with him lying beside her as if nothing ever happened. However, on the fourth night she made it a point to stay awake and follow her little brother.

Thanks to the rushing wind, the sound of her footsteps crunching through the white crust was carried behind them. She followed him out of the clearing to a spot just out of view from the meadow. When he pulled a long bottle out of a dying tree, a warm rage gripped her making her jaw clench. As he took his first drink, she marched forward to confront him.

"Ivan!" Katyusha yelled loud enough to be heard over the sound of the howling wind. She pulled the bottle out of his hands with lips curled in obvious displeasure. "I can't believe you! How could you bring such a thing?"

Ivan pouted in protest. "Give it back, Katyusha!"

She held the drink above her head, out of his reach. "After this made you so sick, you are still drinking it? Ivan I'm disappointed in you. You should know better."

"Winter says that it is okay," Ivan defended as he leaped for the vodka. "Give it back!"

She pushed him away before he could reach the bottle. "No! Winter is wrong. You shouldn't be drinking this. You know what happens whenever that man gets drunk. I don't want you to become like him. You are better than that."

"Give it back to me right now." Her brother tightened his fists in anger. "I'm fine, Katyusha. I'm not like the General. I won't be like him. Just give it back to me."

"No." Her anger reached its boiling point. Katyusha threw the glass bottle against the tree I van had used as a hiding place. A wave of satisfaction washed over her as she heard it break. "Now it's gone."

He shoved his sister onto the ground. "Then I will go get some more from home."

"Don't do that." She wrapped her arms around his small body and lifted him off the ground so his feet dangled and kicked. "You heard what Winter said. He will shoot you before you make it home. He will, Ivan. He will."

He squirmed and wriggled in Katyusha's arms, but she refused to let him free. "What do you care? If I want to go, I will go."

Ivan finally managed to knock her off balance and they both fell back into the snow. There was a short struggle, but Katyusha managed to pin down his arms with her knees. Sitting on top of him, she pulled her fist back to hit him, but stopped her hand just in front of his nose. "I don't want to hurt you, Ivan. But I won't let you get yourself killed for something so stupid."

Ivan stared at her with daggers in his eyes. Though he did not speak right away, his glare spoke volumes of hatred. When she refused to look away, he finally said, "Fine, Katyusha. I won't leave the woods…"

"Do you promise?"

He frowned. "… Da."

"Swear it." Anger was giving way to tiredness as she felt her hands shaking. "Swear you won't go get yourself killed by Winter."

"I swear it."

Taking his words as truth, Katyusha released her brother and together they returned to their shelter. The remaining days in the woods were held in complete silence. Each of them were too stubborn to say anything to the other while they felt they were in the right. A distance began to form between them.

Then the General finally came for them at the end of the seventh day, just before sunset. At least, what appeared to be most of the General. Katyusha stared in disbelief at the semi-transparent old man. Though his face was clearly Winter's, farther down his body was faded and his feet were absent. The man simply hung there in midair, emotionless and without words. Ivan seemed completely unaware of their caretaker's state of un-being and sometimes tried to exchange words with the ghost. If General Winter did reply, only Ivan heard it. A very dark fear lurked in the back of Katyusha's mind. She began to question who Winter really was and what role he played in either of their lives.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Eight days. Eight days with little sleep. Eight days observing Ivan from sun up to late night. Eight days of General Winter slowly becoming less connected to her reality. Eight days of wondering who was this ghost that seemed to exist only for Ivan's torment. Eight days of watching her little brother lashing out and speaking harshly in the name of their caretaker. Eight days of despairing at the fact he did not realize their guardian was deaf, blind, and mute. It was on the eighth day that Katyusha had discovered the truth.

Ivan lay beside her breathing softly, blissfully unaware of the twisted world he had created. She was torn between screaming the truth at him and ripping him out of the nightmare, or letting him live in a dream that made sense to him despite its dark ruler. Telling him the truth about his real history would be cruel, but everyone desires the truth. _Don't they?_

_What if he doesn't believe me? How am I going to convince him that all of the horrible things General Winter forced on us was because of him?_

It was the eight day and she had had enough. Dark half circles sat beneath tired eyes while muscles ached from fatigue. Her mind wandered to that place in the west. The place where she almost made a friend. She figured the strict no friend policy was a manifestation of Ivan's lack of trust in others and his own selfishness. Being attacked by stronger nations made him distrust every foreigner. Perhaps he only accepted Katyusha because he needed one person to prove that he could be loved despite the walls he created. Katyusha felt captive and needed to break free.

The sun had yet to rise when she slipped out of bed. With her coat tightly wrapped around her, she set out in hopes of finding some one that would save her. She did not remember the exact path she had taken, but hope of contact drove her onward. When she heard the sound of crunching snow ahead of her, her heart lifted high into her throat. Her voice faltered when she called out to the brown haired boy.

"E-e-excuse me!"

He turned to her. Blue eyes beheld her with surprise then sympathy. "It's you... What happened to you? You look terrible. Not that you really look terrible, it's just-"

Katyusha flung her arms around the boy and sobbed. At first his body was stiff and his heart beat pounded loudly in his chest, but after a moment his muscles softened as he placed a caring arm around her shoulders. She spoke in shaky sobs. "It's too much... I can't take it anymore... I just want to run away..."

He pat her head. "I don't understand."

She pushed away from his chest. Embarrassed about telling someone she hardly knew what she had been feeling for such a long time, Katyusha tried to apologize. "I'm so sorry. That must have been weird for you. You can forget it all..."

The boy looked at her with a troubled frown. "It's alright, we are friends right? Friends are supposed to be there when their friend is feeling troubled. You can talk to me about whatever it is causing you to feel this way."

Torn between smiling at being called a friend and wanting to clam up, Katyusha knocked her fist lightly on the side of her head. It would not be right of her to tell a practically stranger that her little brother created an evil imaginary guardian that made life unbearable. "It's nothing..." She made an awkward smile. "I was just frustrated and may have gone a little overboard."

He looked at her with sad eyes. "You don't have to lie to me..."

"I'm not lying..." She pulled the corners of her mouth into a wider smile. "See, I'm much better now."

Crossing his arms, the boy pouted. "You know, your not very good at hiding your feelings." He shook his head and sighed. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but a fake smile like that doesn't suit you..."

Katyusha felt tears prickle at the edges of her eyes. With a couple sniffles, she found herself blubbering while hugging the boy again. Over the years she had collected many reasons to cry and was letting every pent-up tear have its chance to race down her face. She always knew she was a crybaby on the inside, but for the first time ever she found somebody that did not mind her shameful display of distress. After covering the front of the boy's jacket with tear stains and snot, her wailing subsided into small hiccups as she calmed down.

"Feeling better?" he asked when she pulled back.

"Uh-huh." She nodded her head and wiped her face with her sleeve. "Thank you..."

"Anytime you need it, feel free to find me." He ruffled up her hair affectionately. "You should consider joining me and my new friend. We're about to make an alliance and become so strong that other nations will think twice before messing with us. I'm sure he'll like you. The three of us can look after each other."

Her smile was weak from exhaustion, not from disapproval. She thought about how appealing the offer was, but could not forget her little brother waiting fro her to return, alone with his nightmares. "I wish I could. Friends seem like such a wonderful thing, but I cannot be friends with you two. Not with the way things are now."

"Why not?"

She shook her head.

"Okay..." He fumbled with his jacket buttons. When he got the top four loose, he pulled out a long knitted pink scarf. "Umm... If it's not too much trouble, I'd like you to have this."

"I can't accept this. I have nothing I can give you in return. You have been to good to me, a stranger."

The boy blushed. "It's nothing really." He scratched the back of his head and avoided eye contact. "I originally made it for my other friend because he likes pink of all colors, but I doubt he would like a hand made gift like this. Besides, I think it would look better on you... So please keep it."

Katyusha looked at the pink scarf in her hands with wonder. It was her favorite gift by far. "Thank you so much."

"This scarf is special," he explained. "As long as you a wearing that scarf, I'll know that it is you and help you no matter what. It'll be a promise that we will become good friends."

She could not help but smile at that.

"Let me help you put it on." As he wrapped the warm scarf around her neck, the boy was close enough to make her feel a sudden bout of shyness. "There! It looks beautiful on you. Your eyes almost look violet with it on."

Her heart stopped. _Ivan..._

"I have to go..." She hugged him tightly. "I hope that some day you and I can be good friends."

"Wait!" The boy called after her, but she never stopped running. "I still don't know your name..."

Cold air stung her lungs as she raced back to the place she once knew as home. As she ran, she stuffed the scarf inside her own coat. She did not know how Ivan would react if he found out she was in contact with a foreigner. Then she heard the sound of gun fire.

"Ivan," she breathed out in a whispered from her spot among the trees. He had a smoking rifle in his hands and just shot the a tree top clear off the parent tree. He cheered to himself gayly and proceed to limb the tree on shot at a time. Where he found the rifle or how he had become so talented at shooting it, but she needed to make sure he was not a danger to himself.

Katyusha approached after several rounds with her eyes fixed on the ground in front of her. It was all she could do to keep from turning back to the woods. When she approached her brother, she braced herself for whatever happened next. She made sure to greet the now invisible gaurdian. It was safe to assume the "caretaker" was present. "Good evening, General Winter."

Absolute silence.

"How many bullets?" Ivan asked no one in particular after a long pause. He cleared his throat to answer his own question. "One, sir."

Katyusha shuddered at her brother's abnormal behavior. She questioned why it took so long for her to notice it was all a game of make believe. At her close distance, she could smell the scent of vodka on his breath.

"Katyusha, wait by the door," her brother demanded. "After this last shot, General Winter will deal with you."

She looked where she suspected the man would be standing if he were real and responded, "Yes, sir."

A bead of sweat rolled down her neck as she marched forward knowing there was a loaded gun about to be fired behind her. Instinct told her to glance back, and that is when she noticed that she would be Ivan's next target. _Maybe it would be okay to die here... Then I wouldn't have to live this miserable life anymore. I could go somewhere better... Somewhere warm..._

Bang!

The shot missed her by a long shot. A hole in the wood door marked where the bullet had pierced it. Then there was fighting. Ivan punched ad kicked while screaming a random course of apologies and obscenities. When General Winter "left them," the two lay panting in the snow staring up at the night sky. Tonight the moon made a rare appearance between dark grey clouds.

"Thank you," she said when she caught her breath.

"What?" The sound of confusion was easily recognizable in her dear brother's voice.

"Thank you for not shooting me."

"I shot at you."

"But you missed."

"I was drunk Katyusha. I probably couldn't hit the side of a barn."

"That's not true." Katyusha crawled until she was laying right beside him. She raked her mind for the right words to use. "I saw your last shots. You could have killed me. Why did you do it? You knew _he_ would get angry. Why did you miss so blatantly?"

"Because I'm not him, Katyusha." He turned his head so he was looking directly at her. "I told you that no matter how much I drink, I won't be him."

A small feeling of hope seized her heart. Perhaps some day, Ivan would be free of his self imposed plagues. As she looked into the beautiful violet eyes she cherished so much, remembered the scarf and the words the young boy had spoken to her. With the scarf she could give him a form of protection. Someday it may lead to him having friends. She pulled out the pink scarf and offered it to him.

"I know it is a little late to celebrate your birthday, but I will give you this."

Ivan looked down at the scarf in her had and made a pained smile. "Isn't this a little..."

"This is a magic scarf," Katyusha said while wrapping it snugly around his bare neck. "If you wear this, some one will definitely com and help you."

That night, while Ivan lay nestled in bed with the pink scarf, Katyusha chose her best coat and boots. The road ahead was unknown and there was a risk of not surviving on her own in a strange land, but it was a decision she had to make for her own health and safety. She pressed a light kiss to her brother's brow before heading for the door. "Good night, my dearest Ivan. Please dream sweet dreams and learn to forget your cowardly sister. She is not strong enough to help you."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

"You left him there?"

"Natalia, it was not an easy choice to make."

"You left your only bother to fend off the world alone! How could you do that to him? He was a child!"

"I was a child as well. You are being too loud. Please calm down."

"Then tell me why. Why did you leave him alone? You abandoned him!"

Katyusha grabbed her sister's shoulders in a firm grip and held her so close that she could not turn away. She looked straight into her eyes and answered with a gravely serious voice. "He shot at me, Natalia… He shot at me."

"He missed-"

"He could have killed me! By some fluke he chose to miss on purpose, but what about the next time his gun was pointed at my head? Do you think he would dare to defy his "caretaker" a second time?"

"Our brother would never do that!" Natalia tried to push herself free, but Katyusha maintained her hold. "Ivan would never hurt either of us. He is to gentle."

"Ivan was a gentle child, but General Winter was not." Her voice began to tremble with emotion. "That bastardized imaginary friend was the center of our brother's whole life. My presence was not helping him and it most certainly was not helping me."

"Then why did you come back?"

"Because I love him! He is my precious younger brother. I would die to protect him, but how was a child supposed to save her brother from himself? I went back to take him out of that godforsaken land in hopes he would get better… However, he refused to leave his nation. Then when I found out about you I had to break the cycle before it spread to another innocent person."

"How can I believe the words of a deserter?"

Katyusha released her sister. Her expression became soft and teary. "If you do not believe my words then believe this expression. The story is not over yet. There is still more to be told."

Natalia eyed her closely with a frigid gaze. Behind her deep blue eyes, Katyusha could see her picking apart every detail in her facial expression. "Then continue… I'll listen until the end."

Xx

Years slid by once she entered East Europe. Katyusha found her home, the nation she was supposed to represent. It was close enough to her brother's home for their borders to serve as a reminder that he was still in that world of white. The nation of Russia had its low moments and a few high moments, but it still stood. Ivan was surviving.

Her return trip was muddled with murky emotions. She did not know what to expect when she found him. After abandoning him for so long, could she dare wish he would meet her with arms wide open? It was more likely that he would hate her. It made enough sense.

Katyusha trudged through the fresh snow covering the familiar forest floor. Her stomach was tied in knots from anxiety when she heard the sound of strange feet crushing through the white crust. Unarmed, she turned around to face the potential aggressor.

"Katyusha?" Strong arms wrapped around her body so tightly that the air was forced out of her lungs. "I can't believe it. I'm not dreaming, am I?"

Something about the voice was vaguely recognizable, then she noticed the pink scarf. "Ivan?"

"Da, Katyusha." Her brother beamed as he looked at her. "It's me, big sister."

In disbelief, Katyusha looked up and down the stranger before her. Her once tiny brother had grown to an impressive height. His body had fleshed out and he looked healthier than she would have expected. While she evaluated her reunited brother, she felt a sudden jab in her left breast.

"Ivan!" She punched him in the center of his chest, but it felt like hitting a rock. Shaking her sore hand, she shouted, "What are you doing?"

"It looks like you've finally grown," he chuckled as he lightly rubbed the spot she had just hit. Then he stood at full attention. "I've grown too, da?"

There was no denying it. Ivan stood a whole head taller than her and was still at an age that could allow him to grow even taller. Katyusha never thought she would have to look up to read those violet eyes, but there they were looking down from up above.

"You really have grown…" Guilt forced her to avert her gaze. "Has it really been so long?"

Ivan took both of her hands in his. Long fingers easily curled around her folded hands. His smile offered her a warm glimpse at hope. "It hasn't been so long. You still remember the way home, don't you? Then it hasn't been too long."

She could not help but return a smile. "Maybe you are right."

Hand in hand, the two walked to the home they once shared. Ivan dominated most of the conversation, chattering happily about how much the house had changed since she was gone. His smile broadened with every step they took. "And when it isn't cold enough to freeze the pipes, there is running water. It makes it a lot easier to give Natalia a bath when there is running water."

The mention of a girl's name raised a flag in Katyusha's mind. Keeping her voice as cool as possible, she asked, "Who is Natalia?"

Ivan stopped and stared at the rifle he had with him when they met. It's presence made her a little nervous, but her brother showed no signs of aggression. "That's right… I haven't found anything for dinner yet… There should still be enough stew left over for one more meal. Come on! I'll introduce you to Natalia."

He let go of her hand and dashed forward at a swift pace. Katyusha tried to keep up, but the snow made it difficult to match his speed. By the time they cleared the forest, she was gasping for air in quick pants. Her heart was drumming in her ears from the unexpected effort. She couldn't believe her eyes when sh finally noticed the building that used to be home.

No longer four walls and a roof, the house resembled a small cottage that was easily twice the size of what she remembered. It was obvious that Ivan had worked very hard to accomplish this on his own.

"Did you do all of this?"

"Da." He grinned as she admired his craftsmanship. "I could not get my hands on glass for the windows, so I had to use muscovite. That aside, it's pretty impressive, da?

As she approached, Katyusha recognized the only remaining trace of their shack. A single bullet hole graced the old wooden door. She traced the hole with her index finger. "You couldn't have changed the door?"

"Eh?" The disappointment was clear in his voice. "You should be praising me now. I worked really hard on this, you know."

"I'm sorry," she smiled softly. "You did a great job, Ivan."

He placed one hand on the door and pushed it open. "I thought that since this was the door that you left through, this would be the door that you would one day return through." He walked through the doorway and offered her his hand. "Welcome home, big sister."

She blinked at him and sighed. "You are being far too kind to me, brother." Katyusha accepted his hand. "I'm back."

Ivan all but dragged her through the entryway with a grand smile stretching across the width of his face. Even the inside of looked much improved and partially furnished. Her brother led her past a cozy dining room and into what she assumed was his bedroom. "Natalia, look who I found out in the woods."

Katyusha was surprised to find out that the mysterious Natalia was a small toddler. The little girl stood in what looked like a short pen wearing a dark blue wool dress with a small bow in her hair. Though pretty to look at, her face had a muted expression until Ivan bent down to pick her up. Instantly, her tiny hands clung to his arm and she wrapped herself comfortably in his cradled arms. The toddler looked like a small china doll snuggling close to Ivan's chest.

"Natalia, this is my older sister Katyusha." He smiled down at the little girl. "Say hello."

Natalia looked at her with a relatively bored expression. She made no attempt at a greeting.

"Hello, Natalia." Katyusha reached out to pat the girl on the head.

"No!" the child screeched as she gripped her brother's jacket tightly, drawing even closer to Ivan. "My brother! Mine, mine!"

Ivan frowned. "Natalia, calm down."

Katyusha laughed nervously. "It would seem that she doesn't like me very much."

"She just isn't used to you." He stroked his little Natalia's head to calm her down. "She will grow to love you. I just know she will."

She felt skeptical about the child being interested in anyone other than her brother. Even as they sat down to eat, Natalia sat happily on Ivan's lap and ignored Katyusha as much as possible. To her surprise, the shared meal was pleasant. The conversation was light and she mostly listened while eating small mouthfuls of stew. Despite the pleasantries, something about the way Ivan looked at her made her aware of how much he wanted to ask some hard to answer questions. One question burned in her mind as well. _What happened to General Winter?_ For a moment she dared to hope he outgrew the imaginary "friend."

Ivan eyed the window nervously. "Natalia, it is time for bed." He looked over at Katyusha with a concerned expression. "I think it would be best if you stayed in the bedroom too, Katyusha."

"Why is that?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"General Winter will be arriving soon," he answered with a sad shake of his head.

"Winter," the tiny nation echoed, shivering a little as if she caught a sudden chill.

Katyusha paled. _So much for having hope_. "You still _see_ General Winter? He is still with you?"

"Da…" Once again he made a sad face, but it lasted only a moment before the usual smile returned. "But you shouldn't be afraid. I'm strong enough to protect you now. I have protected Natalia all this time, so now I will protect you as well."

He led both of the girls into the bedroom. Tucking Natalia in, he kissed her gently on the forehead and promised that it would protect her from any bad dreams. She fell asleep within a few minutes leaving only Katyusha to worry about. Standing up from beside the bed, he stretched his arms.

"You can share the bed with Natalia. Usually I sleep there, but the bed isn't big enough for three, and at our age it would probably seem pretty odd." He placed a hand on each of her shoulders. "The General will probably only stay long enough for a drink or two, and then he will be on his way."

"You drink with him?" Katyusha did not bother to hide the disapproval in her voice. Frustration started to sink its claws into her words. "Why on earth would you do that?"

She bit her bottom lip. If her brother still relied on General Winter, she would have to persuade him to leave and seek help elsewhere."I'm worried, Ivan. Why don't we just run away? All of us could just leave. We could leave Winter behind. Ivan, I've seen it; a place where the sky is blue. There are green fields as far as the eye can see and song birds can be heard everywhere. It is warm there, Ivan. I even saw flowers that look like miniature suns. They grow in tall forests that look like a yellow ocean. Please, Ivan, let's go."

Ivan pressed a finger to her lips. With sad eyes he shook his head and mouthed out the words, "I'm sorry."

"Ivan, please," Katyusha pleaded in a tearful whisper.

Ivan simply shook his head and walked out of the bedroom. Then the nightmare returned. The past painted in a present setting. She was back to being a useless coward unable to stop her brother from hurting himself again.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

When the door closed, their dance with the Devil would start with a "good evening, General," and end with a "may God have mercy."

Katyusha leaned close to the bedroom door and peeked through a crack in the wood. Through it she could see Ivan preparing the dining table with two tin cups and a tall glass bottle. As he set the places, he switched between speaking politely and mumbling gruffly in a response to low for her to understand."

"Good evening, General… I just put her to bed." Ivan took a seat in front of one tin cup. "She is sleeping."

He growled something under his breath while pouring vodka into both cups. His smile never wavered as his charade continued. "But you have so kindly put up with me all this time… Didn't you take Katyusha in before me?"

Her heart leapt into her throat when she heard her name mentioned. Katyusha pressed her ear closer to the door.

"Forgive me, it was a mistake." Ivan sipped his drink thoughtfully. "But the two do have a similar appearance. Perhaps Natalia is Katyusha returned to us…"

"Please don't…" she whispered breathlessly. _Don't make yourself hurt on my account._

Ivan suddenly turned the conversation around. "I'm sure I am wrong. Natalia is so small. Kat- … The other girl was always so tall and boyish. Natalia is much more loyal as well. She can't stand the thought of us being separated."

Separated. The word stung like a wound on her heart. Being apart from her brother was almost unbearable. It was a miserable first few years without him. She flinched when she heard Ivan suddenly spat out his vodka.

"Of course not! That's sick!" Katyusha could not tell if it was anger or disgust in his voice, but whatever it was it meant that a dispute was brewing. "Natalia is my sister… She's hardly old enough to be called a child!"

She looked over her shoulder to check on the sleeping girl. Despite her brother's raised voice, she slept on undisturbed.

"Forgive me for disagreeing, but Natalia is not a whore."

"What?" Katyusha hissed. She returned to the door to try and understand what was going on out there.

Ivan seemed to be shaking with anger."You're wrong…"

"Please, Ivan, don't…" Katyusha covered her ears and closed her eyes. "Please don't do this."

"I said you're fucking wrong. My sisters are no and never will be whores!"

"Don't…"

"Perhaps your hearing is failing you in your old age. I will say it again really clear for you. You're fucking wrong."

The glass vodka bottle shattered on the floor. Her brother was shouting incoherently on the other side of the door. His voice was strangled with obscure curses and grunts of pain caused by his own hands. She couldn't watch him, but felt helpless to help.

"Brother…" A small voice whimpered.

Katyusha looked back to the bed and found a sleepy Natalia sitting up. She walked to the edge of the bed to comfort the little girl. "It will be okay. You're safe."

"Big brother… He's having a bad dream."

"No…" Katyusha started. "He's fighting the bad dream. He's fighting the bad dream to keep it away from you. Your big brother is kind and wants you to unafraid."

Natalia grabbed her hand and squeezed it for reassurance. "I don't want bother to have bad dreams. Will he beat the bad dreams?"

Unsure of the answer herself, Katyusha stroked the top of the girl's head until her eyelids drooped heavily. "Go back to sleep, Natalia. I'll go out and help our brother."

With a yawn the girl drifted back into a peaceful sleep. The noise from the dining room had died down by now making Katyusha feel nervous. Her hands shook as she reached for the door knob. Anything could lay behind the thin wood door. She did not know how bad to expect the scene to be.

Ivan was lying on the floor soaked in foul smelling alcohol that had pooled on the ground. His lip was cut open and red marks appeared on his collar bone. Judging by the broken leg of one of the dining chairs, he had used to dislodged leg to beat himself. He winced in pain when she spoke to him.

"Ivan…" Katyusha's voice was quiet and scared. Tears collected at the rims of her eyelids. She carefully brushed his hair out of his face. "Please, Ivan… Let's leave this place and not look back."

"I can't," he answered, wincing as the cut on his lip opened wider.

"Why not?" she demanded.

"Because, I'm not strong yet. I can't protect either of you like this."

Katyusha slapped him without thought to how much pain he was already in. Her tears were finally falling down the sides of her face, but she frowned at him. Frustration strangled her voice. "I don't want to be protected if it means you getting hurt like this!"

"You should go to bed first. I will clean myself up before sleeping."

"Let me help you."

Her hand reached for him, but he caught her by the wrist and shook his head. "I'm fine. You should sleep."

_I've had enough… If you won't help yourself, I'll never be able to save you._ Katyusha made no further attempt to persuade him once he sat up. She watched him disappear into the small washroom before returning to Natalia's bedside.

"I won't let you live the hell I've seen." She crawled on the bed until she could wrap an arm around the sleeping Natalia. "I'll free you from living my past."

Katyusha closed her eyes when she heard the door creak open. Footsteps approached and stopped at the end of the bed. Ivan stood over them for a moment before lying on the ground to sleep. She waited until his breathing evened out before making a move. As gently as possible she scooped Natalia up into her arms and reached for her coat. When she pushed open the door, she glanced over at her sleeping brother one last time. Before leaving, she pulled the blanket off the bed and wrapped it around him as best she could with one free hand.

"Forgive me, Ivan, if you can. Hate me if you must. The only one who can save you from Winter is yourself. May God have mercy."

She did not kiss him farewell as times in the past. There was no point in doing so this time. Somewhere inside she knew they would meet again. If it was in heaven, so be it. Until then, hell was left behind her.

Xx

"Imagine my surprise when he showed up on my door less than a year later." Katyusha pointed at the large envelop in her sister's hand. "I thought he had put his demons behind him until I read that letter."

Natalia tightened her grasp on the envelope. "Would this letter really cause Ivan so much pain."

"I'm sure that it caused him a great deal of pain just to write it. It must have been horrific recalling such dark times in his life."

The two sisters stood in silence. There was a heavy atmosphere between them; one of understanding and somber reality. Then Natalia handed over the letter.

"Take it… I will not be the one to wound our brother any further."

Katyusha smiled as she took the yellow envelope. "Thank you for understanding."

"But what shall we send in its place? Ivan will surely wonder why no one received a message from him. What can we send that won't seem out of the ordinary?"

"I've already planned for that." Katyusha pulled a book let out of her inner coat pocket. "I've seen him reading not too long ago. It's been thumbed through quite a bit."

"Marx… I've never heard of him."

"Brother seems to like this book, so send it to the world council instead of that letter. I'm sure it won't cause any harm."

"Fine, but if anything goes wrong its your fault."

"What could possibly go wrong, Natalia?"

**X Hello again. Thank you for sticking with the **_**Who I Am**_** series. This is the end of the second installment, but don't go away. Part three, "Who Are You", features Lithuania as he searches for the girl with the pink scarf. Then you will find out what does go wrong in part four. I sense a cold war brewing on the horizon. Once again, thank you for reading.X **


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